“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” ― Woody Allen
Reflection.
See, that's the hard part about life that I'm barely realizing -- shit never goes the way you thought it would. If you would have asked me how I would have pictured my life to be 4 months ago, I would have given you a set-in-stone answer, that I truly believed would have happened. Ask me now, I can't even tell you what tomorrow will look like.
That's a scary feeling. Not knowing what the future holds. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me sad. I guess my greatest attributes: goal oriented, motivated, persistent, relentless -- is also my worst drawback. It hurts... when someone as controlling as me, can't control her own life.
Some things are out of my hands -- and it drives me fucking crazy! A perfectionist in everything I had to learn the hard way (still learning).
Bad transition... Life slapped me in the face.
I got too comfortable. I got too comfortable with my life, with my habits, with my happiness, with the people around me. I liked my routine. I like routine. I like stability.
Leanring.
Being comfortable doesn't allow for progress.
Stability is great, unless it impedes your progression.
Routines are nice, until you feel uninspired.
The lows in your life doesn't define you. How you recover does.
Change.
Learning to be okay with not being in control.
Leanring to be okay with not knowing what tomorrow will look like.
Learning to be okay with trusting God, my God -- who I know has something for me.
Learning to be okay with being okay.
Learning to be okay with me.
Learning to be happy for me.
Learning to be uncomfortable.
Learning to be vulnerable.
Learning to enjoy my own company.
What I've Learned.
There's a good to every bad. I've always thought myself to be a strong person but damn, life can throw some fucked up shit your way. Some days are fine, some days are great... and some days straight suck. But what I have learned is that the pain will go away, eventually... The sun will always shine the next morning (my Mom's motto). I have to work with what I have and what I have is RIGHT now...
For Everyone Else.
We are all going through our own battles. We are all dealing with the pressures of work, family, expectations, friends, and self-love. We all have our demons. But they are OUR demons. So be grateful for all the BS in your life. You need the bad to appreciate the good. Life is a beautiful struggle... Ride that shit to the fullest.
Prayer.
So God, my God... Help me and keep me grounded, keep me where the light is and pick me up when I'm too weak to get up on my own. Amen.
Love,
Jocelyn Hernandez
